Senior Sorostitute: yeah i just wish it wasn’t raining

I have to go to my sorority soon and talk about how great it is to the youngest class

And I’m in no mood

Frat Aids: yea that sucks

Just mail it in

And say, “this shit is going to miserable, but get through it and one day you can get hit on by Frat Aids and he’ll try and fuck you, and you’re all dumpsters so you will”

Senior Sorostitute: no i have to go there

Gross

Then they’ll cry

And quit the sorority

And move home

Frat Aids: never

Senior Sorostitute: because that just sounds like a nightmare

Frat Aids: come on! Its ME

Senior Sorostitute: it’s more like “one day you’ll black out and realize you made out with Frat Aids, then you’ll hit a downward spiral”

BOOM

ROASTED

Frat Aids: sounds about right

So this video has been sweeping the interwebs on the google machine for a few days, and while it is pretty funny to watch a bunch of hipsters dance around like fools, this is no way to start a marriage. I smell a divorce!

The reason I say this is because doing this dance does not test their love enough, and that’s why I have planned my proposal and wedding so that I know my wife will have been tested and will not want a divorce.

The first test I will give the lucky lady will come when I am ready to propose. Just like any good surprise proposal I am going to get the help of a few buddies, but instead of just holding up a sign in a cool place or something gay like that, Im going to have them kidnap me. I know this sounds weird but trust me it makes sense. After Im kidnapped I will have them call the little lady and threaten her and me, and then just when she is getting ready to bug out Ill have them throw on the patio lights and I will be tied to a chair covered in fake blood just like the first scene of scream.

If she comes to help me I will drop to a knee and pull a ring out of my fake guts, but if she runs for her own safety Im much better off.  So after I run that little game about 8 times and finally find someone that will come and save me we will plan the big and beautiful wedding she deserves. Then in the middle of the ceremony instead of turning it into a high school musical like these fucks, the lights will go out totally. Then when the lights come back on someone will be dead!! At this point I have yet to say “I do” so I can still make my escape if this broad doesn’t like to have fun, but if she likes a good time we can continue with our surprise “Murder Mystery Wedding”.

If after I have set up all of these tests and we still end up falling victim to the 50% divorce rate Americans face, it was most likely my fault. That or the fault of the high school girl I got caught with.

There are so many jokes that can be made at this.

A vibrator to help you get in shape???? Housewives across the nation are riding this thing like a sybian machine while the kids are at school, no doubt.

If anyone see this and actually thinks about buy it please contact me and I will put you in touch with a guy who can give the same sensation in 6 minutes.

- A few people sent this in but shout to Underage Dad for sending it in first.

CLEVELAND — LeBron James struggled with sudden fame after appearing on Sports Illustrated’s cover as a 17-year-old and admits he smoked marijuana during his junior year in high school.

Most of the people that read this can’t even answer the door when the Chinese food guy shows up but this guy is smoking and being Lebron James.

Note: I am amazing with MsPaint. Eat my dick Photoshop.

This website called Guess Her Muff is absolutely amazing.

The person who sent it in said “this website is my homepage, its seriously addicting” and he did not lie at all.

I only wish you could filter out the ones who don’t shave. Filthy pigs.

God Bless America!!

-Shout to Big Ben for the link.

Ladies, please take note of all these tips as the weekend approaches.

It is important that you take this very seriously because just offering to blow me in the bathroom is becoming old hat.

Anyone else wanna sit on a park bench and wait for some dumpster dressed like one of the golden girls to hit on you?

-Shout to R-O-double for the link.

It seems that every time we turn around, another beloved celebrity is passing away. Today, it is with heavy heart that we report yet another celebrity death. Rest in peace Gidget, the Chihuahua who starred in a series of Taco Bell commercials and made famous the phrase “¡Yo quiero Taco Bell!”

Is there any coincidence that this happens within 72 hours of Mike Vick being set free?

Jack should have dropped that punk bitch  or ODed on prescription drugs.  I think that’s what the joker is into these days isnt it?   WHAT??? TOO SOON?